Are You A Proverbs 21 Woman?

Everyone wants to be a Proverbs 31 woman…but does your day-to-day seems more like a Proverbs 21 woman?

(I bet here’s where you’re thinking: Was that a typo? Don’t you mean Proverbs 31?)

What, you’ve never heard of the Proverbs 21 woman? Let me explain!

You’ll relate! (I do.)

Are you a Proverbs 21 Woman or a Proverbs 31 Woman- Christian Marriage Blog Devotion

The Biblical Book of Proverbs has LOTS to say about what a Godly woman looks like. And a few examples of what she doesn’t look like. Proverbs 21 has a couple of kinda harsh things to say about this kind of woman.

Here’s what I mean by a Proverbs 21 woman:

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. Proverbs 21:9


It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. Proverbs 21:19

Yeesh! Who needs counseling here, the wife or the husband? Haha!

So let’s get into what I mean by comparing these two women.

The Proverbs 31 woman (she’s got it all together) simultaneously encourages and intimidates me… but the Proverbs 21woman? Ha! I grit my teeth a little to admit this, but she sure reminds me of… ME, especially in my first year of marriage! (Sorry, honey!)

I’ve grown since that difficult learning curve –  from being a college student *with a killer case of Mononucleosis!* and planning my wedding to being a homemaker, wife, and having a full-time career. It was a jump that I don’t think anyone could have been prepared for… it’s a lesson that most people can’t really learn the easy way. I think the first year of marriage is difficult for a lot of people.

I do feel that I understand the Proverbs 31 woman better than ever- after all, her list of achievements isn’t a daily occurrence but more of a highlight reel – but if you’re just like me 4 years ago, stuck in a frustrating marriage and feeling like no one can hear you? (Me and my husband’s communication skills have changed a lot for the better, I’ll keep thinking about how to summarize those marriage-saving tips for a future post) but until then…


Check out this list I compiled to help summarize the lessons I learned THE extremely hard way.

The qualities of the Proverbs 21 woman:

The Proverbs 21 woman complains

The Proverbs 21 woman is argumentative 

The Proverbs 21 woman is NOT fun to live with

The Proverbs 21 woman feels stuck

The Proverbs 21 woman doesn’t communicate well

The Proverbs 21 woman is dealing with conflict in the WRONG WAY

Compare that to the consistent qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman.

The Proverbs 31 woman is trustworthy

The Proverbs 31 woman works hard

The Proverbs 31 woman helps the poor and needy

The Proverbs 31 woman holds her tongue

The Proverbs 31 woman gives instructions with kindness


Proverbs 21 is the default

It is VERY important for me to note that the Proverbs 21 woman is extremely common. 

As in 100% of all women for all time.

At one time, in the Garden of Eden, Eve was the perfect Proverbs 31 woman, 24/7.

Then Eve was lied to and she fell for that lie. The first human sin allowed for all of humanity to sin- and separate us from God.

God the Father made a way for us to get back in communion with Him, through God the Son. He defeated death and death’s cause- sin, by being the first human (he was 100% human and 100% God simultaneously) to never sin and to bring Himself back to life.

So when you accept these facts and get back in communion with God- God the Father gives you God the Holy Spirit to live inside you. (Even writing that gives me chills.)

The Holy Spirit makes it possible for you to live out Christ’s instructions. The Bible’s instructions. Including Proverbs 31.

From 21 to 31… It’s Definitely Gradual

I’m working through the Holy Spirit to become a woman who is glorifying to God in every way. Especially my marriage. As a Pastor’s wife, my husband and I are watched by a wondering world. Can I live up to the hype of the Proverbs 31 woman? Only through the Holy Spirit.  

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” –2 Corinthians 3:18


Check out these articles about how to be a Proverbs 31 woman!

How To Be A Good Mom- The Bible’s Definition

When Christian Motherhood Becomes An Idol

9 Lies Satan Whispers To You About Your Motherhood

7 Biblical Prayers that EVERY parent should say for their kids

How To Hear God’s Voice Today – 6 Practical Tips


What do you think?

Do you find the Proverbs 21 woman relatable?

Do you find the Proverbs 31 woman intimidating?

What is your favorite quality of the Proverbs 31 woman?

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Categories: Studiu biblic

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