We pray that all will be protected from coronavirus, that the crisis is quickly resolved, and that all those affected have a speedy and complete healing.

In the meantime, one way to get through challenging times is through the power of humor:

Self-Sacrifice

Our grandparents were called to war.

We’re being called to stay at home. We can get through this.

Diary Entry

Day 2 without sports.

I found a woman sitting on my couch.

Apparently, she’s my wife.

She seems nice.

Announcement

Do you have the following symptoms: headache, dizziness, anxiety, and exhaustion?

This is a sure sign that your children are home from school has be cancelled due to coronavirus.

Biblical Times

What is the meaning of the long-time Jewish tradition that Moshiach will come riding on a donkey?

Because all flights have been cancelled.

Medical Advice

If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for two weeks, then you should have gone to a doctor long before coronavirus.

Advertisement

24-pack of toilet paper from Walmart. Looking to swap for a 4-bedroom house.

Announcement

Mothers ages 30-59 are most likely to carry coronavirus without symptoms. The best course of action is to quarantine them. Local spas are the designated quarantine centers. Send mothers immediately. No contact for 14 days while they live in misery…

Passover is Coming

This is crazy! Local supermarket shelves were completely cleared out. The shelves were then lined with paper and restocked with potato-based food that’s quadruple the price!

Order for this year’s Passover Seder:

Kadesh. Rachtza. Urchatz Rachtza. Karpas. Rachtza. Yachatz. Maggid. Rachtza. Motzi Matzah. Rachtza. Marror. Rachtza. Korech. Rachtza. Shulchan Orech. Tzafun. Rachtza. Bareich. Rachtza. Hallel. Rachtza. Nirtza. Rachtza.

Announcement

My birthday is today, but I just want everyone to know that I’m postponing my birthday indefinitely due to coronavirus. I will be having my birthday at a later date. Thank you!

Safe Distance

Finally the world aligns with the preferences of introverts. All events cancelled. Everybody minding their business. No physical contact. No random small talk.

MEMO

From: Parents

To: School Faculty

Coronavirus is a serious threat and we have no choice but to respond strongly to combat the hazard. We the parents have made the difficult decision to close our doors until we are certain it is safe to reopen. This policy will begin tomorrow morning when our children board their buses for school.

While we understand that this presents a great challenge to the school staff, please know that we will continue doing everything in our power to facilitate the children’s return to our home as soon as possible.

In the meantime, we’ve sent each of the children to school with 14 days worth of clothing, and we’ve made accommodations for remote family time via Whatsapp.

Thought-Bubble

If coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do we keep hearing about cases of it?

Prediction

There will be a baby boom in 9 months.

Then in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the QUARANTEENS.