Un foarte bun instrument de lucru bazat pe faptul ca stim sa dam sfaturi bune altora.

INC

How to Improve (Almost) Any Relationship in 7 Minutes or Less

Research out of Stanford suggests a simple, seven-minute writing exercise could improve your marriage.

BY JESSICA STILLMAN, CONTRIBUTOR, INC.COM@ENTRYLEVELREBEL

If you’re like most entrepreneurs, you have a shortage of time in your life but no shortage of stress. It’s a combination that can be rough on relationships. Particularly useful, then, are tips that can help you strengthen your relationship even when your schedule leaves you less time to devote to your partner than you might like. 

Thankfully, science can help. Recent research out of Stanford and a handful of other universities offers a quick intervention that should help you reduce tension and untangle tough conflicts in seven minutes or less.

Seven minutes to a clearer perspective

The research is based on a psychological principle confirmed by study after study: People tend to think more constructively and creatively about problems when they have a little mental distance from them. When you’re in the midst of a fight or a crisis, the fog of emotion can make the issue seem huge and unsolvable. But if your friend told you about a similar issue, you could often offer thoughtful, useful advice. 

Neuroscientists recommend putting this insight to use by opting for “distanced self-talk” when you’re facing a tough problem. By thinking, ‘What would XYZ person I respect do?’ you can get out of a mental rut and approach the issue with fresh eyes. But, according to Eli Finkel, a psychologist who studies relationships at Northwestern University, the same general idea can help couples deal with conflict more constructively.  

For their research, Finkel and his collaborators recruited 120 relatively happily married couples and asked them to keep track of their biggest conflicts. Half the group got a small additional writing assignment. 

“We asked each spouse to write about the conflict from the perspective of a neutral third party who wants the best for both spouses — and, from the perspective of this imaginary individual, to identify, if possible, any single positive aspect to the argument,” explains Finkel in a New York Times op-ed detailing the research. 

These brief writing assignments took an average of only seven minutes, but Finkel reports they produced impressive benefits. The number of fights between couples didn’t decrease because of the writing exercises. But the mental toll they took on the couples did. “Couples who did the extra writing exercise found their fights significantly less distressing over time,” reports Finkel. 

A caveat and a call to action 

That’s an impressive benefit for something that takes less time than boiling an egg. But, as Stanford SPARQ notes in its writeup of the findings, there is at least one important caveat to bear in mind. 

“Adopting a third-party perspective helps spouses preserve the love and passion they already feel for each other. It will not reignite love that has already been extinguished. And so this intervention works best for relationships that are not already in serious trouble,” cautions the site. 

But while you probably shouldn’t try a writing exercise when what you really need is an experienced therapist — or a divorce lawyer — there’s probably not much downside to trying this exercise out. And for more than just marital spats: Given that psychological research suggests this sort of psychic distance can improve thinking in a range of contexts, why not try writing through that perennial conflict with your co-founder or nagging issue with your mom?  

The most you have to lose is seven minutes, and you just might gain a stronger, healthier relationship.

Categories: Articole de interes general