S-a auzit mai întâi ca o șoaptă subțire și suavă, de parcă cei ce știau s-au temut să nu deranjeze familia, să nu deranjeze pe Nora și pe Beni. 

Nu e ușor și nu e normal ca o mamă și un tată să-și vadă fiul murind. Nu e ușor ca o soție tănără și iubitoare să înceapă de-acum o numărătoare nouă, fără noimă, a unor zile fără … soț. 

Șoptim și noi mai departe, spre sufletele care știu să se aplece a simpatie și a rugă. Mijlociți, mijlociți, dragii mei. E vremea șoaptelor și a rugăciunii. 

Dumnezeu să ne asculte și să mângâie pe acei păgubiți de dragostea Lui nerăbdătoare pentru Filip Fărăgău. 

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As promised, this is the translation of my last post. Thank you Delia Lenghel and Vio for help with the translation. 

I know that, in the light of so many lives that end every day and so many dramas, my story is insignificant. Still, I thought I should write some of my thoughts.

Fighting with cancer for over a year can put you on your knees, both literally and metaphorically. Many things have happened in this year – chemo treatments, diagnoses, many hospitalizations, some good days, some very bad days, gloomy verdicts like “put your life in order, because you don’t have much time left”, then again some hope … And so on.

But in fact, there is something else I wanted to write about. During the past year as well as during what I call, “the preparation time” the 2014-2015 period, God has worked in my life stronger than ever. Many could say about me that I am a “pedigree” Christian – from a family with tradition, a well known church, many diplomas and a lot of good activities and projects that I was involved in.

But my heart was divided. I felt like somebody who’s trying to run but in the same time is held back by some strings. When I pushed harder, I would manage to beat that force and it seemed I was getting forward. But then I was being pulled back again. And I was seeking ways to escape a reality which, despite being ideal in the eyes of other people, for me was only disappointment and unhappiness.

In this context… the grace of the events from the last months came through. And although it is not a great discovery, what really changed the direction of my life was the meeting, once again, with the love of God. First in a gentle whisper and then a powerful strike that started to demolish the wall I had built around my soul. So together with this physical illness started the spiritual healing. The sins came out in the light. Tears of joy in the Lord started to come as well. Honest, deep and healing discussions with Violeta and a few others brought me so much peace. And the list could go on. I remember one day in December 2015, that out of the blue, I stood at the table in front of Violeta and I started to pour out my soul in front of her as I have never done before. This was after I found out the cancer has returned. We cried together, we prayed together. I repented before God and her.

After that, for the first time in many years I could literally shout ‘I’m free!!’ The strings are broken.. The physical weakness is still here, but what I gained is infinitely more valuable.

Of course, I would have liked to experience all these things in different circumstances. But, even so, I don’t regret anything. And I wouldn’t let go of the lessons I learned for nothing in this world. Not even for physical health.

My desire is to get well. And I hope that the things God teaches me now I will be able to use for Him. This is my prayer

I leave you with a song that summarize what I feel and a little of what I wrote here.

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Hugs and blessings,

Filip

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