Imagine this: I was writing my column, blithely working away on tips for the Cruz campaign, when it all came crashing down. Not that tongue-in-cheek suggestions are likely to reroute electoral history, but those little things do matter.

Consider that an elastomer “O-ring” caused the disintegration of the Challenger space shuttle. Or that one lunatic Yugoslav shot an archduke, leading to World War I, which left bitter Germans creating World War II. This induced the birth of the UN and EU, which made things worse than they found them.

Considering the importance of trivia, a candidate’s hair, height and image may have monumental importance in the vast scheme of things.

Senator Cruz, your true problem wasn’t rival Donald Trump, but an image problem. Being decent and sane wasn’t getting you anywhere and is so passé. Long ago, Americans stopped valuing virtue in political candidates. Haven’t you noticed? Or as our Great Leader would say, “Virtues are JV.”